The Check List

I never realize until recently, that beyond my common sense, I always use a check list for most of things I have done in life. For instance when I plan my trip, when I decide to take the offer or not, when I wanna go out for weekend and so on. As the other things, the same thing also happen every time I start a relationship with someone.

In regards to the last point, there are two sides of a check lists, the good and the bad (or let say the unfortunate side :p) 

When a guy hitting on me, the good list, in the right side says:

He is smart (checked), knows a lot of things (checked), respect me (checked), deep warm voice (checked), has a nice smile (checked), a good sense of humor (checked),  good smell (checked), can play a piano or guitar (a sweet bonus tho.. checked), family man (checked).

Then I start to take a glance to the other side: different religions (hh.. checked), less knowledgeable (err.. checked), less self confident (checked), has a shallow point of view (pff.. checked), bad smell (ewh.. checked), bossy (huh checked), bad manners (huft.. checked), cocky (hell checked!), smoker (hmm, checked), too much talking about himself or his opinion (capedeee.. checked), less ability to be a good listener (ouch! checked), noisy when he eats (hoek! Checked) and it goes on and on, like never ending lines.. hmmhh..

At the end I usually see a huge different between those lists and usually, the “unfortunate” side won. Pff..

In relation to “relation check list” above, my old friend once told me, how I put too much logic in all things I do. She said that in contrary with what I do; she will put her feeling on top of everything. She gave an example: she is in love with someone who she knew will never be hers. But she refuses to surrender to the situation “I will fight till my last breath, fight for me, fight for my love” (wow, I was honestly speechless for her words). She continued “And in contrary Mbak, once you knew you have very small chance to be with him you will step back immediately. You don’t wanna fight, or at least give a try. You are too afraid of being hurt”. I was quite but my mind has given approval on her opinion. Yes, she was absolutely right: I just don’t wanna risk myself or my heart to uncertainties, even more to a life time commitment. Maybe I was, maybe even worse; I did what she is doing and the lessons I got was that I need to think more before making any decision, especially when it relate to my heart.

Life has taught me so many things; love, happiness, tears, hopes.. I think this check list is one of my life experiences “products”. I tend to protect myself, my heart. I don’t wanna spend my life crying, regretting, hurting, hating others..

Well, every people have their own preference on how they are living their life, as I do. Life is too short and too precious to be filled with those crappy feelings. I am not against the spontaneous people or one who are willing to try although they know it will kill them inside.. I just choose not to be one :) Y'all may call me a coward or chicken or other similar terms, its fine. Hey, I am still the same warm-smiley-out going-kindhearted Dewindra. I just make decisions after a logic thinking process, be responsible on any of the result then committed to it.

At the end, we should live our life with no regrets, right? :)

Eh, enough for check list, at least for now. I wanna make a cup of coffee nih; my brain has been craving caffeine for hours hehehee..

So, have a nice Monday, Everyone :)

Under my blanket, in front of my pinky by.

Jakarta, March 26, 2012