God's Answer

Lazily read the timeline on Twitter a while ago and my eyes captured a wise line said:

 “The God’ answer to your prayer:

 1. Yes

2. Yes, but wait for a moment

3. I will give you something better”

Those just words, but it’s really get in to my mind, made me think about a lot of things happened to me recently. Ya, why can’t I see things clearly when my heart is in pain? Why don’t I remember the simple line “Ask God and you shall receive”?

I do believe in the power of prayer; I experienced it myself. However, I should admit there were sometimes I questioning His decision to answer my prayers.. In 1999 when I asked for my Mom’s recovery but like ignoring my prayer, out of sudden my mom passed away; left me and my siblings in the deep darkness we'd ever had in life.. Where was God at that moment? Why??

Time has made me learn, everything happen in this world is for a reason; nothing such a coincidence moment. There is always a relation between one to another; always been.

There was one time, a good friend of mine, Vina told me to read Tere Liye’ book “Rembulan Tenggelam di Wajahmu”. She said it really worth to read and will make my tears drop. I followed her advice and yes, I cried my tears out. This book is so personal for me. A similar message I had learned from Mitch Albom’s “Five People You Meet in Heaven”. One thing relate to other; we might understand the connection one day, somehow.. but most of the time it will be the mystery of universe. What happen to you today, will shape your future; even more, somehow it will shape others too.

Thanks to the brilliant authors.. Those books have pulled all my memories out of my sanctuary, made me put every single puzzle on it place, to see the relation of each piece.. It helps me understand, even just a bit, the big “Why” question. Not instantly for sure, it takes years to understand combine with long and never ending contemplation..

With put a high respect to my late mom, I will never be in the place of who I am today if my Mom still with me nowadays. I will not work for such a long time in Aceh, out of my comfort zone, learn about working in the vulnerable community in post disaster areas, gaining my knowledge of international world-network-standard, being acknowledged as “dr.Dewindra the warm strong kindhearted MD of Red Cross” :) (not the daughter of.., the grand daughter of.., niece of..), met mas Harry and starts the professional singing world; instead, I might end up as a pediatrician or ENT (ear nose throat) Specialist in one of famous hospitals back home in Surabaya. 
Lately, in contrast to a jobless situation :p , I feel so grateful that God has made the decision for me not to continue my work after 7 years of working (He knows I will never be able to decide it my self!).. I am healthier then I used to (at least no gastritis, 3 months free of influenza, no migraine, no mixed feeling in the morning). As a MD I know those symptoms came from stressful situation :)) Though in the other hand, I am still wondering why I have not found any suitable job yet (curcol) :)

If my life' direction did not go the way it goes now, I will not experience the feelings I have been living for these wonderful years; the happiness, tears, challenges, the excitements, all the people I met.. I understand I went to a different direction from my family pathway which I never regret.. I know Mom has raised me with strong values of life; those help me to make the decision, walk the way, grow to be me..

Be grateful for anything you have received in life no matter how small it is. Sometimes just simply Alhamdulillah for being healthy, being able to breath normally, being able to smile, to remember, to dance, to work, to sleep; it might sounds cliche, but this is what I do, what I believe.

I am grateful for what I am today; and yes, it is because of His bless. At times when I feel so low, I will remember the words above: Yes, Wait a Moment and I will Give You Something Better.

Alhamdulillah Gusti, for always be there for me..

I will keep praying to You, the Almighty.. I know You don’t need it, but I do.

My cozy box, Jakarta March 24, 2012