Just a Warm Big Hug

Yesterday, one of my beautiful, smart yet strong aunties has passed away after years of cancer survival. She’s one of most positive mind person I’d ever met in life. I do believe she feels much better now, up there beyond the stars..

Memory of losing my mom was inevitably raised up every time I heard the news that one family member has passed away.. I remember all mixed feeling of emptiness, a deep broken heart, numbness.. Then the next one was about what I felt when people came to express their condolences.  There is nothing wrong of expressing your feeling; others might feel the same way too. But there was a point that those words, those wise words, were soooooooo.. soooooo…. overwhelming. The word “Ikut berduka cita (I am sorry for you)” followed by “Kamu harus kuat karena kamu yang akan pendukung untuk papa dan adik-adik )-You’ve got to be strong cause you are the one who should be the back bone for your dad and siblings”. “Sabar (be patient)”, “Kamu harus bisa ikhlas (you’ve got to let it go)”,, 

On and on and on and on… I just couldn’t take it anymore. Who has the right to say that I MUST do it? I MUST be strong, I MUST be patient, I MUST be the one stronger?? If I do or I don’t, is it really your concern?? And I was crying to express my devastation, not that I will crippled down or losing my mind..

I do realize that this is our culture; this is what our community has been doing for thousand years. So it just there, without any feeling involve without thinking. Just there.. And while I am not comfortable to face this kinda “treatment” some people might want to be treated that way to comfort them..

I personally think, in this time of sorrow, you just need to have someone hugging you, comforting you, just be there and holding your hands. Listen for what unfortunate fellow said, rubbing her/his back softly while sitting beside her,, No need to say a word, just simply be there and listen..

You might’ve thought that I am weird when I say that or too extreme. But when I remember only a few did it that time; simply hug, hold my hand without saying a word. And honestly, those were ones who have made me even stronger.

Anyway, just sharing. Some might disapprove with my personal opinion and some might agree. At the end, it will be your choice :) 

Relate to my late aunt, since am not in country, yesterday I just sent a message to my cousin for her lost “Hughughguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhug”.. and the prayers continue..

So long, Tante Mira,, May you rest in peace,, Love you,,

Dili, my cozy corner..

Another art I learn nowadays: Cooking!

Yes, I am enjoying cooking recently. Actually I should say that I have been enjoying cooking since I was young (note: it doesn't mean that I am that old though hehehehee), just not very keen on the cleaning part after the action heheheee.. I have learned how to cook from my late mom. She always said that a woman should not be a "weeping widow"; there is no guarantee that your partner will always able to support you or live longer than you do. Therefore, a woman should have some basic skills i.e cooking, sewing, cleaning-all those simple household responsibilities to make things easier for us and our family. Cooking not only for woman, so she said, man should also need to learn to do it. For her, no one should be dependent to anyone; do it yourself! :)

Mom was the first person who taught me which one onion, garlic, ginger, galingale is and how to differentiate one to another. I recall that I learn to cook rice manually, not with the sophisticated tool called "rice cooker". First, boil the rice to make it softer-need to ensure that I stirred it well, other wise it will stick to its place; once it's done, move this soft version to a steamer. I certainly believe that not many people nowadays knows how to do that ;) 

Aside of "rice business", I also learn on how to cook different type of dishes; those are mainly Javanese one for instance tempe mendoan, perkedel kentang, tumis kangkung, sop ayam, rawon, tumis tahu tempe, etc-all ordinary food which we used to have at home. My mom did cook, at least during the weekend (when she's not busy with her patients and works). Still fresh in my mind, she cooked a special Nasi Goreng (fried rice); when you taste it, you might say it is nasi goreng kampung (traditional fried rice). The steps to make it is a pretty complicated; but I can say it is yummy! :) What I regret now, that I do not have her secret recipe on Pedesan (what I recall as a mix of liver, sausage, chicken and paprika-taste real good!).

After my Mom passed away, my aunt (my mom' youngest sister)-called her "Ibu Ira" was mom' successor as my mentor. She taught me to cook more dishes i.e sop jagung-corn soup with crab and egg (its her specialty though), sop merah-red soup, and other homey food. I might not an expert, but at least I have left my doubt at home, anywhere I go. Worst case scenario, I just simply cook for myself :)

The objective of cooking is not only about to feed ourselves; moreover, it is about our ability to mix several things to create satisfaction. It is an art! The audience, a.k.a our tongue will never lie. That is why I personally think, one who loves tasty food, should be able to create a good one too :)

On my recent assignment in Timor-Leste, I started to cook for myself. Bought a red rice (it contains higher fiber) and try different type of dishes. I am managing my food now; thus, less fried oily food or one with coconut milk (I am still lazy on doing those cleaning.. Thank God someone will surely help me with this hehehheheee..).
So I went to the local market to buy vegetables, chicken, fish, spices.. And I am ready to rumble! :)))

Fish Ball-Chicken Soup

A simple dish I prepared couple of days ago was a fish ball-chicken soup (yeah, the Libra took control; wasn't able to choose: fish ball or chicken?? I just decided to put both! Hhahahaa). I couldn't find any carrot, so it feels a bit funny though.. 

It just like an ordinary soup; the basic spices were fried onion, garlic, salt. To make it a bit different, I add fresh tomato and pepperr. As a finishing touch, I put a small amount of Oyster Sauce. hhmm.. Yuummm...

Spicy-Sour Chicken and Tofu Soup

Today, I try to cook different type of dishes. Although, again, this food management really limit me on picking up some food I used to cook back in the days. I need to elaborate more :) Then, after a continuous consultation with the expert (a.k.a Ibu Annis-Mamanya si Cican), I decided to cook Pindang Ayam Tahu (Spicy Chicken Tofu Pindang). This dish is so easy to make. Prepare the onion, garlic, salt, chili, salam leaves, kunyit (turmeric), belimbing wuluh (small starfruit), tomato. Slice all of those and boiled it together with the chicken. Tofu will be the last item to be added on this dish. Yummmyyyy.. :*

It might sounds silly, but for me, the additional skill like cooking, really makes me proud :)) And at some point, living far away from ones who usually give me a hand i.e my sister, mamanya Cican, my aunt, has given me a wider room to improve my self, in every aspect of life :)

Now, I should (read: pretend) cleaning up my pantry; whatta pretty mess I made back there! :))) Will share other interesting things tomorrow :) Oh, ya, I should write about my field trip. It was a very exciting moment I had just a week after I arrive in Timor-Leste :)

Boanoite

My cold cozy living room with Gacil
Dili, November 5th, 2012

Before I close my laptop..

Have you ever tried to put your name on Google/Bing and click search button? I did and I found it very amusing! The result of searching was slightly different; it depends on what name I wrote: Dewindra Widiamurti or dr.Dewindra Widiamurti. 

Under the "dr" name, I found: my profile in LinkedIn, the story where I was being featured as Rising Star on the 3rd edition of Balga Magazine, a short video recorded by Mira for my end of mission with previous organization, surprisingly-an article in Reliefweb on my work in 2005, during early recovery phase in Tsunami Aceh (wow!), an article I wrote in American Red Cross website and me on Twitter and Facebook. 

 The search under "Dewindra" gave result: cover version of my song "Tell Me Why" on Youtube (a good friend of mine, Asri made it! Thanks, Sweetie), a short video on my performance with "The colleagues and Harry Toledo" in Starbucks, me and Colleagues feat Harry Toledo in January Tour (Yogyakarta), an article in Jazzuality.com on my performance in Ramadhan Jazz Festival 2012, an article in lensaindonesia.com  on my performance in city tour (Surabaya), my profile in LinkedIn, Twitter and Facebook.

Coba deh, iseng aja gitu, taruh namamu di Google ato Bing :)

Btw, I have read somewhere, that nowadays a future employer will google your name before you attend an interview (ga tau bener ato nggaknya). And if it is really happen, I am wondering, what my future employer will think ya?? Jhane ki bocah kerjane opo to? Hehhehehhheee..

Udah ah, mau bobo. Udah hampir jam 1 pagi nih di Dili..
Hoaahhmm.. nite nite..

Dili, November 4th, 2012
on the way to my room..

Experience sharing: Job Interview :)

Just out of nowhere, when I played the guitar, this idea popped out. Suddenly remember those times sitting in the interview scenes. I just wanna share my previous experiences (biasanya yang interview orang dan sekarang jadi "pesakitannya" hehehhee).

Actually, during my break-relax time, I went for mmm.. 6 interviews; 1 on skype and the rest were face to face. Some important notes were taken and lessons have also being learned. What I wanna share here less than what the expert says; but these based on my own experiences.

Important Notes

1.    Knowledge

It is not about your IQ etc, but more on your knowledge of the company or organization of interviewer. What fields they are working on, where in this world their work is being carried out, vision and mission, achievements; also read some of their reports. Sometimes, it’s just silly questions like when you are in elementary school and should remember when Diponegoro War happened (1825-1830! Still have it in my memory! :D). You should understand all things relate to the owner; you could easily find it in the website.

2.   Punctual

Time is crucial. For me, better to wait for 1 hour then late for 5 seconds. It shows your commitment and professionalism. Btw, in contrary, I also expect that the interviewer to be punctual too, though (pengalaman si, kalo ama lokal, suka telat yak hehehhee-no offense).

3.   Outfit

To be safe, just wear semi-formal clothes. Jeans is BIG NO NO for sure. Wear shirt, simple jewelry (you may wear scarf too), natural make up (these for girls only hehehee) and shoes. Nice and clean. The key is: don’t overdo.

4.   Relax

Relax its one key action that should be maintained all the time. Deg-degan pastilah ya, cuman mesti diatur. The secret is: don’t think about it too much. While waiting the interviewer calls you, just think about your favorite things or something interesting for instance your date last nite or tonite, mikirin jalan2 ke Eropa, ato keliling Indonesia, punya kucing ato anjing. Anything that will take your mind away from that scary place :)

5.    Smile

Last but not least, smile will spread the positive energy in to the room; bisa ngebuat kamu and interview lebih santai. Smile is also one of your tools to engage with the panel. Give yourself 2 seconds after they give you the question; smile and then answer it without any doubt.

Lessons Learned

1.    Don’t Ask too Many Questions

I did and I totally blew it! Hahhhaaa.. In my defense, I will say I ask just to have a clear picture on what I am gonna do. I ask questions, not questioning their standard btw; but lately I realize things I asked might made them feel uncomfortable. Even a good friend of mine said “You’re supposed to be the one who is being interviewed but in contrary feels like you interview them!” (I was told her detail of today interview).

2.   Understand the structure in the organization/company and where your exact position among other staff member.

You might be one of senior staff in your division, but it depends on how big the company/ organization is; you might find that the position is actually considered to be a medium one in the hierarchy. Although I am not a fan of it, we need to have certain understanding in this particular area; apalagi kalo biasa jadi orang nomer 2 di small organization (international one) which allowed you to share your ideas or disagreement directly to your supervisor (who remain the top person in the organization) and in the new position you applied for you will report to the head of department which is positioned in medium level in the company/organization - lokal jarang yang bisa dikritik anak buah juga, jadi mesti bisa cepet observe yang interview kita modelnya gimana; strong one ato yang serba sungkanan hehehehe (again, no offense). 

3.   Understand the culture of the organization/company

Indeed, I find it a bit difficult to determine this part. How you are possibly know about the culture of organization or company that you just knew for one minute?? From my experience, you might observe the way interviewer talk or communicate each other, their body language and appearance. Use your intuition. I failed to do it, btw. The explanation will be shared together with the last point below.

4.   Be yourself

Nah.. honestly speaking, this part is a bit contradictive in my case. I always present myself as the real Dewindra, I have nothing to hide. Sometimes, for some people, the confidence I have and the way I enjoy myself considered as “too much” for their working culture. Feedback from one interview I attended earlier this year said “Dewindra is great on program design, implementation, M&E, networking. But she is too straight forward” (!!!!) Then, the lesson I have learned from this interview: I will continue bringing my confidence (reduce it just a bit) and not enjoying myself that much-it should be well managed! :)

When it still doesn’t work then I should say: it’s your bad, not mine :p

Anyway, it just a sharing. As I mentioned earlier, I blew all those interviews; God knows what did happened. Hahhahaa..
At the end, no such thing as the best candidate; is about one suit the most for the position as well as to the organization/company working culture. As simple as that :)

Dili, November 3^rd, 2012
Sitting lazily on my cozy chair..

A First Time

Whoa.. Its been a while since the last time I wrote here. Actually there were many times I was thinking about some topics I would like to share.. But somehow, either too lazy, too busy (hell yeah!) or just simply forgot ( you know me kan?) then I have not made it happen. My bad. :p So now, I decided to start to write again (before those deadlines haunted me again :)

Here we go..

There will always be a First Time for Everything

Life is about changes.. About up and down.. Happiness and Sadness.. Successful and un-successful.. and of course, those everything in between. We all had experienced it, although some might not even bother to think about it; but I did, I do. Having the luxury of being un-employed (defensive mode on) for the past 10 months has given me time to reflect my journey, the choices I have made and all things happened in these fruitful years.; it's finally brought my mind to the year of 2012. I recognize that this year is full of “a first time” for me..

First time I was formally un-employed.. (aside of those voluntary and consultation works)..

First time I went to several interviews (usually got a job offer without applying to the position).. and kampretely, I got rejected by all of them! (Oh, bummer! They don’t know what they have missed! Your bad, not mine! :))

First time worked as a consultant..

First time lived far away from the center of town..

First time I had a singing tour in 4 cities (6 stages and 4 radios of live performances)..

First time I performed and shared the stage with some well-known jazz musicians i.e Idang Rasyidi, Tompi, Endah-Resa, Barry Likumahua.. (on Ramadhan Jazz Festival 2012).. *It was something I have never dreamed of but hell yeah, it did happened! I should say: It's God' way!!

 


 First time went for an audition and became a finalist of a weight loss program which aired in national television.. (I need to get back on the program track immediately! Ayo masak!!)..
First time I went to the gym and do exercise with those sophisticated tools..
First time I continuously  eating boiled food (no fried, no coconut milk!) for more then 1 month..
First time I push myself to sleep before 12am.. 

First time I followed what my heart said, spontaneously met someone, picked him up at the airport and watched the starry starry nite with him.. *wink

First time got an offer and took a role as an international staff, a health delegate with all the working dynamic and managing the expectations..

First time living abroad and far away from my comfort zone.. (will create one for sure! :))

First time went to a field trip up to the hills and down to the sea shore, in bumpy-shaky roads, for a total of 3 days in a row.. (we made stops-i.e to sleep and in program areas though)

..and I am still counting on some “first times” for this year..

I believe those “first times” are being linked beautifully to each other by a red-thin string. Thing is happened for reasons. No need to question why this happen to me.. God has a bigger plan for you on top of anything. Sometimes the road we take is pretty rough, up and down,, shaky, bumpy.. Sometimes the sky is dark and you are feeling alone.. Sometimes in the middle of your way someone come and give you a sweet drink or offer you to eat a wonderful food.. You could never guess what next good things happen to you..

Enjoy those times, enjoy those moments! And one day, at some point, you will look back and remember all the roads you have taken and make a reflection on each of them.. “First time” is a start of the next step in your journey..

I remember all that and I smile. I know, He always been watching over me :)

Ok, now I should check my fish ball-chicken soup; it smells good though. Yuuumm.. :))

November 1, 2012

Dili, East Timor in my small and cozy new apartment..

Singing

I LOVE singing! So BAD! There is no doubt about it; even strangers can see how passionate I am when I sing. Music has become a part of my life even before I became an official citizen of this world :p My parents, and the big family from both sides, love singing and playing music instruments (mostly are guitar and piano; there are some who are playing the violin too). I grew up with Elvis Presley, Andy Wiliams, Bimbo, Chrisye, Januari Christy, GSP, The Beatles, Natking Cole, Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Joel, Manhattan Transfer et all and of course the legendary "The Sound of Music" movie. I learned so many types of music; Jazz, pop, slow rock, dangdut, even the classic one. My mom used to sing “Hari Sudah Senja” song before I went to bed and sang “Selamat Pagi” once I opened my eyes in the morning sun. She sang "Que Sera Sera" to boost my mood,, She sang "Never on Sunday" in duet with my dad and sang "Cinta" which made me adored her even more.. 

I learn how to sing mainly from our family time (when my dad played the piano or guitar and my mom sang). Sometime we divided our voices in to soprano, alto and bass like a vocal group. I performed in some events in my town started from kindergarten, participated in some singing competitions and also performed singing in front of my big family during family gathering. It was FUN!

I sing any time and anywhere, literally! I sing when I am working, when writing this blog, when driving, sitting in car, walking, taking bath, when I get bored, before sleeping, on a bad day, when I queuing in bank, when I drunk, when I am with him, during the anatomy and neurology examination on med school.. Just name it! :)) People around me enjoy it most of the time; but of course, some were rolled their eyes when I start humming in a quiet room (where is the fun when everyone is sooo quite like that??). I certainly believe that my colleagues at my old office are missing my voice so bad! Hahahaha..

My fav supervisor, dr.Ayham Alomari (miss him a lot!), once printed “No singing during office hour” in a slice of paper and pinned it on the wall behind me! (Though after a while, he finally added the word “GO” in the beginning of the sentence after some people asked him why he didn’t allowed me to sing. Singing has won! Woohoooo..). I still keep this phenomenal paper, btw :))

Some people who have watched me sing usually asked where do I take singing course or could I teach them how to sing or even how to have a voice like me (I am flattered, honestly).

First of all, I thank God for giving me this voice; mostly it’s from my mom-sorry Piu (her voice even deeper than mine). Secondly, I had never took any singing course (even when I wanted to, mas Harry Toledo said it will change the way I sing and at the end will affect my character. Hmmm). I can say that I am an autodidact singer who's keeping on learning on how to sing well till my last breath :))

People said I sing jazz (what an honor for me), but honestly I sing the way I like it.. I should admit that I am not a good singer since I tend to change the song in to the shape I want it. My bro and Sis were the one made the protest “You change all the songs you sing! I barely recognize it!” :)

I guess one day I should write a song telling how much I love singing :) I sing to express my feeling, what I hold inside.. I sing to ease the pain, to get rid of boredom, to praise the Lord, to remember my mom, to share the joy and the love.. Believe me, this what singing is all about!

Soo.. freely choose one song, any song you like or even play it in your iPod, CD player or cellphone.. And sing it out loud! Yes!

Have a funtastic week, Fellas..

And I continue singing this song..

“Wake up wake up everybody, now is the time.. One day we’ll join hands together, No one will cry.. Searchin’ for your destination, finally you’ll find.. Wake up, wake up everybody, Now it’s the time..” 

(Flabby – Wake Up)

My bed, a bit sleepy

Jakarta, March 26, 2012

The Check List

I never realize until recently, that beyond my common sense, I always use a check list for most of things I have done in life. For instance when I plan my trip, when I decide to take the offer or not, when I wanna go out for weekend and so on. As the other things, the same thing also happen every time I start a relationship with someone.

In regards to the last point, there are two sides of a check lists, the good and the bad (or let say the unfortunate side :p) 

When a guy hitting on me, the good list, in the right side says:

He is smart (checked), knows a lot of things (checked), respect me (checked), deep warm voice (checked), has a nice smile (checked), a good sense of humor (checked),  good smell (checked), can play a piano or guitar (a sweet bonus tho.. checked), family man (checked).

Then I start to take a glance to the other side: different religions (hh.. checked), less knowledgeable (err.. checked), less self confident (checked), has a shallow point of view (pff.. checked), bad smell (ewh.. checked), bossy (huh checked), bad manners (huft.. checked), cocky (hell checked!), smoker (hmm, checked), too much talking about himself or his opinion (capedeee.. checked), less ability to be a good listener (ouch! checked), noisy when he eats (hoek! Checked) and it goes on and on, like never ending lines.. hmmhh..

At the end I usually see a huge different between those lists and usually, the “unfortunate” side won. Pff..

In relation to “relation check list” above, my old friend once told me, how I put too much logic in all things I do. She said that in contrary with what I do; she will put her feeling on top of everything. She gave an example: she is in love with someone who she knew will never be hers. But she refuses to surrender to the situation “I will fight till my last breath, fight for me, fight for my love” (wow, I was honestly speechless for her words). She continued “And in contrary Mbak, once you knew you have very small chance to be with him you will step back immediately. You don’t wanna fight, or at least give a try. You are too afraid of being hurt”. I was quite but my mind has given approval on her opinion. Yes, she was absolutely right: I just don’t wanna risk myself or my heart to uncertainties, even more to a life time commitment. Maybe I was, maybe even worse; I did what she is doing and the lessons I got was that I need to think more before making any decision, especially when it relate to my heart.

Life has taught me so many things; love, happiness, tears, hopes.. I think this check list is one of my life experiences “products”. I tend to protect myself, my heart. I don’t wanna spend my life crying, regretting, hurting, hating others..

Well, every people have their own preference on how they are living their life, as I do. Life is too short and too precious to be filled with those crappy feelings. I am not against the spontaneous people or one who are willing to try although they know it will kill them inside.. I just choose not to be one :) Y'all may call me a coward or chicken or other similar terms, its fine. Hey, I am still the same warm-smiley-out going-kindhearted Dewindra. I just make decisions after a logic thinking process, be responsible on any of the result then committed to it.

At the end, we should live our life with no regrets, right? :)

Eh, enough for check list, at least for now. I wanna make a cup of coffee nih; my brain has been craving caffeine for hours hehehee..

So, have a nice Monday, Everyone :)

Under my blanket, in front of my pinky by.

Jakarta, March 26, 2012