Just a Warm Big Hug

Yesterday, one of my beautiful, smart yet strong aunties has passed away after years of cancer survival. She’s one of most positive mind person I’d ever met in life. I do believe she feels much better now, up there beyond the stars..

Memory of losing my mom was inevitably raised up every time I heard the news that one family member has passed away.. I remember all mixed feeling of emptiness, a deep broken heart, numbness.. Then the next one was about what I felt when people came to express their condolences.  There is nothing wrong of expressing your feeling; others might feel the same way too. But there was a point that those words, those wise words, were soooooooo.. soooooo…. overwhelming. The word “Ikut berduka cita (I am sorry for you)” followed by “Kamu harus kuat karena kamu yang akan pendukung untuk papa dan adik-adik )-You’ve got to be strong cause you are the one who should be the back bone for your dad and siblings”. “Sabar (be patient)”, “Kamu harus bisa ikhlas (you’ve got to let it go)”,, 

On and on and on and on… I just couldn’t take it anymore. Who has the right to say that I MUST do it? I MUST be strong, I MUST be patient, I MUST be the one stronger?? If I do or I don’t, is it really your concern?? And I was crying to express my devastation, not that I will crippled down or losing my mind..

I do realize that this is our culture; this is what our community has been doing for thousand years. So it just there, without any feeling involve without thinking. Just there.. And while I am not comfortable to face this kinda “treatment” some people might want to be treated that way to comfort them..

I personally think, in this time of sorrow, you just need to have someone hugging you, comforting you, just be there and holding your hands. Listen for what unfortunate fellow said, rubbing her/his back softly while sitting beside her,, No need to say a word, just simply be there and listen..

You might’ve thought that I am weird when I say that or too extreme. But when I remember only a few did it that time; simply hug, hold my hand without saying a word. And honestly, those were ones who have made me even stronger.

Anyway, just sharing. Some might disapprove with my personal opinion and some might agree. At the end, it will be your choice :) 

Relate to my late aunt, since am not in country, yesterday I just sent a message to my cousin for her lost “Hughughguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhug”.. and the prayers continue..

So long, Tante Mira,, May you rest in peace,, Love you,,

Dili, my cozy corner..