Singing

I LOVE singing! So BAD! There is no doubt about it; even strangers can see how passionate I am when I sing. Music has become a part of my life even before I became an official citizen of this world :p My parents, and the big family from both sides, love singing and playing music instruments (mostly are guitar and piano; there are some who are playing the violin too). I grew up with Elvis Presley, Andy Wiliams, Bimbo, Chrisye, Januari Christy, GSP, The Beatles, Natking Cole, Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Joel, Manhattan Transfer et all and of course the legendary "The Sound of Music" movie. I learned so many types of music; Jazz, pop, slow rock, dangdut, even the classic one. My mom used to sing “Hari Sudah Senja” song before I went to bed and sang “Selamat Pagi” once I opened my eyes in the morning sun. She sang "Que Sera Sera" to boost my mood,, She sang "Never on Sunday" in duet with my dad and sang "Cinta" which made me adored her even more.. 

I learn how to sing mainly from our family time (when my dad played the piano or guitar and my mom sang). Sometime we divided our voices in to soprano, alto and bass like a vocal group. I performed in some events in my town started from kindergarten, participated in some singing competitions and also performed singing in front of my big family during family gathering. It was FUN!

I sing any time and anywhere, literally! I sing when I am working, when writing this blog, when driving, sitting in car, walking, taking bath, when I get bored, before sleeping, on a bad day, when I queuing in bank, when I drunk, when I am with him, during the anatomy and neurology examination on med school.. Just name it! :)) People around me enjoy it most of the time; but of course, some were rolled their eyes when I start humming in a quiet room (where is the fun when everyone is sooo quite like that??). I certainly believe that my colleagues at my old office are missing my voice so bad! Hahahaha..

My fav supervisor, dr.Ayham Alomari (miss him a lot!), once printed “No singing during office hour” in a slice of paper and pinned it on the wall behind me! (Though after a while, he finally added the word “GO” in the beginning of the sentence after some people asked him why he didn’t allowed me to sing. Singing has won! Woohoooo..). I still keep this phenomenal paper, btw :))

Some people who have watched me sing usually asked where do I take singing course or could I teach them how to sing or even how to have a voice like me (I am flattered, honestly).

First of all, I thank God for giving me this voice; mostly it’s from my mom-sorry Piu (her voice even deeper than mine). Secondly, I had never took any singing course (even when I wanted to, mas Harry Toledo said it will change the way I sing and at the end will affect my character. Hmmm). I can say that I am an autodidact singer who's keeping on learning on how to sing well till my last breath :))

People said I sing jazz (what an honor for me), but honestly I sing the way I like it.. I should admit that I am not a good singer since I tend to change the song in to the shape I want it. My bro and Sis were the one made the protest “You change all the songs you sing! I barely recognize it!” :)

I guess one day I should write a song telling how much I love singing :) I sing to express my feeling, what I hold inside.. I sing to ease the pain, to get rid of boredom, to praise the Lord, to remember my mom, to share the joy and the love.. Believe me, this what singing is all about!

Soo.. freely choose one song, any song you like or even play it in your iPod, CD player or cellphone.. And sing it out loud! Yes!

Have a funtastic week, Fellas..

And I continue singing this song..

“Wake up wake up everybody, now is the time.. One day we’ll join hands together, No one will cry.. Searchin’ for your destination, finally you’ll find.. Wake up, wake up everybody, Now it’s the time..” 

(Flabby – Wake Up)

My bed, a bit sleepy

Jakarta, March 26, 2012

The Check List

I never realize until recently, that beyond my common sense, I always use a check list for most of things I have done in life. For instance when I plan my trip, when I decide to take the offer or not, when I wanna go out for weekend and so on. As the other things, the same thing also happen every time I start a relationship with someone.

In regards to the last point, there are two sides of a check lists, the good and the bad (or let say the unfortunate side :p) 

When a guy hitting on me, the good list, in the right side says:

He is smart (checked), knows a lot of things (checked), respect me (checked), deep warm voice (checked), has a nice smile (checked), a good sense of humor (checked),  good smell (checked), can play a piano or guitar (a sweet bonus tho.. checked), family man (checked).

Then I start to take a glance to the other side: different religions (hh.. checked), less knowledgeable (err.. checked), less self confident (checked), has a shallow point of view (pff.. checked), bad smell (ewh.. checked), bossy (huh checked), bad manners (huft.. checked), cocky (hell checked!), smoker (hmm, checked), too much talking about himself or his opinion (capedeee.. checked), less ability to be a good listener (ouch! checked), noisy when he eats (hoek! Checked) and it goes on and on, like never ending lines.. hmmhh..

At the end I usually see a huge different between those lists and usually, the “unfortunate” side won. Pff..

In relation to “relation check list” above, my old friend once told me, how I put too much logic in all things I do. She said that in contrary with what I do; she will put her feeling on top of everything. She gave an example: she is in love with someone who she knew will never be hers. But she refuses to surrender to the situation “I will fight till my last breath, fight for me, fight for my love” (wow, I was honestly speechless for her words). She continued “And in contrary Mbak, once you knew you have very small chance to be with him you will step back immediately. You don’t wanna fight, or at least give a try. You are too afraid of being hurt”. I was quite but my mind has given approval on her opinion. Yes, she was absolutely right: I just don’t wanna risk myself or my heart to uncertainties, even more to a life time commitment. Maybe I was, maybe even worse; I did what she is doing and the lessons I got was that I need to think more before making any decision, especially when it relate to my heart.

Life has taught me so many things; love, happiness, tears, hopes.. I think this check list is one of my life experiences “products”. I tend to protect myself, my heart. I don’t wanna spend my life crying, regretting, hurting, hating others..

Well, every people have their own preference on how they are living their life, as I do. Life is too short and too precious to be filled with those crappy feelings. I am not against the spontaneous people or one who are willing to try although they know it will kill them inside.. I just choose not to be one :) Y'all may call me a coward or chicken or other similar terms, its fine. Hey, I am still the same warm-smiley-out going-kindhearted Dewindra. I just make decisions after a logic thinking process, be responsible on any of the result then committed to it.

At the end, we should live our life with no regrets, right? :)

Eh, enough for check list, at least for now. I wanna make a cup of coffee nih; my brain has been craving caffeine for hours hehehee..

So, have a nice Monday, Everyone :)

Under my blanket, in front of my pinky by.

Jakarta, March 26, 2012

God's Answer

Lazily read the timeline on Twitter a while ago and my eyes captured a wise line said:

 “The God’ answer to your prayer:

 1. Yes

2. Yes, but wait for a moment

3. I will give you something better”

Those just words, but it’s really get in to my mind, made me think about a lot of things happened to me recently. Ya, why can’t I see things clearly when my heart is in pain? Why don’t I remember the simple line “Ask God and you shall receive”?

I do believe in the power of prayer; I experienced it myself. However, I should admit there were sometimes I questioning His decision to answer my prayers.. In 1999 when I asked for my Mom’s recovery but like ignoring my prayer, out of sudden my mom passed away; left me and my siblings in the deep darkness we'd ever had in life.. Where was God at that moment? Why??

Time has made me learn, everything happen in this world is for a reason; nothing such a coincidence moment. There is always a relation between one to another; always been.

There was one time, a good friend of mine, Vina told me to read Tere Liye’ book “Rembulan Tenggelam di Wajahmu”. She said it really worth to read and will make my tears drop. I followed her advice and yes, I cried my tears out. This book is so personal for me. A similar message I had learned from Mitch Albom’s “Five People You Meet in Heaven”. One thing relate to other; we might understand the connection one day, somehow.. but most of the time it will be the mystery of universe. What happen to you today, will shape your future; even more, somehow it will shape others too.

Thanks to the brilliant authors.. Those books have pulled all my memories out of my sanctuary, made me put every single puzzle on it place, to see the relation of each piece.. It helps me understand, even just a bit, the big “Why” question. Not instantly for sure, it takes years to understand combine with long and never ending contemplation..

With put a high respect to my late mom, I will never be in the place of who I am today if my Mom still with me nowadays. I will not work for such a long time in Aceh, out of my comfort zone, learn about working in the vulnerable community in post disaster areas, gaining my knowledge of international world-network-standard, being acknowledged as “dr.Dewindra the warm strong kindhearted MD of Red Cross” :) (not the daughter of.., the grand daughter of.., niece of..), met mas Harry and starts the professional singing world; instead, I might end up as a pediatrician or ENT (ear nose throat) Specialist in one of famous hospitals back home in Surabaya. 
Lately, in contrast to a jobless situation :p , I feel so grateful that God has made the decision for me not to continue my work after 7 years of working (He knows I will never be able to decide it my self!).. I am healthier then I used to (at least no gastritis, 3 months free of influenza, no migraine, no mixed feeling in the morning). As a MD I know those symptoms came from stressful situation :)) Though in the other hand, I am still wondering why I have not found any suitable job yet (curcol) :)

If my life' direction did not go the way it goes now, I will not experience the feelings I have been living for these wonderful years; the happiness, tears, challenges, the excitements, all the people I met.. I understand I went to a different direction from my family pathway which I never regret.. I know Mom has raised me with strong values of life; those help me to make the decision, walk the way, grow to be me..

Be grateful for anything you have received in life no matter how small it is. Sometimes just simply Alhamdulillah for being healthy, being able to breath normally, being able to smile, to remember, to dance, to work, to sleep; it might sounds cliche, but this is what I do, what I believe.

I am grateful for what I am today; and yes, it is because of His bless. At times when I feel so low, I will remember the words above: Yes, Wait a Moment and I will Give You Something Better.

Alhamdulillah Gusti, for always be there for me..

I will keep praying to You, the Almighty.. I know You don’t need it, but I do.

My cozy box, Jakarta March 24, 2012

Pesen Mama Tersayang..

Inget Mama, berarti inget semua teladan hidupnya. Sekarang, jadi pengen inget kata-kata yang beliau sering ucapin dari aku kecil. Kata yang seperti terpaku di ingatanku dan gak bisa ilang.. Pertama kali denger pasti kesannya simple banget, gak mikir jauh, "yeah, just another line from mom" itu yang aku pikirin. Sekarang setelah tahun berganti, hidup berlanjut, aku baru sadar, banyak banget kata-kata simple dari Mama yang ternyata kena banget di semua jalan yang aku lalui dalam hidup ini. 

"Jangan injek kaki orang kalo kamu gak mau diinjek" sebenernya itu sama dengan line "Treat people the way you wanna be treated". Jangan nyakitin orang kalo kamu gak mau disakitin.. Balesan itu not necessarily datang dari orang yang kamu sakitin, tapi bisa dari orang laen juga. Life is about circle.. Walau agamaku nggak ngajarin soal "karma" somehow I do believe on that. Aku inget simplenya, kalo misal lagi nyetir mobil, ngebut, motong jalan orang mendadak, gak sampe 10 menit, it happened to me too! Kaya kebales langsung aja gitu.. It somehow makes me think, when someone hurt me so bad, did I hurt someone else sooo bad before? :(

Mama juga bilang "Gusti Allah mboten sare (Tuhan tidak tidur)" tiap beliau sakit hati atau kecewa ama seseorang ato sesuatu. Beliau percaya kalau Allah itu denger dan lihat semua yang umat-Nya lakuin. Allah denger semua permintaan, keluhan, tangis kita.. Dan Allah yang Maha Tahu yang terbaik buat kita. Mama percaya, Allah udah atur semuanya..

"Jangan gampang nyerah. Coba lagi. Gak ada yang gak bisa, kamu anaknya Tata, pasti bisa" 

Kata-kata ini yang selalu jadi penyemangat saat aku lagi down, doubting myself.. Coba terus, jangan pesimis, usaha! Jangan mimpi terus,, bangun dan kejar mimpi itu! (Iya Mama, I will)..

"Jangan cuman ngomong, lakuin" mama paling gak suka orang yang ngemeng aja tapi
ga ada kenyataannya; instead of nyuruh aku masak, every weekend mama pasti masak buat kita. Thats the point "Do the talk".

"Be your self, no matter what" Gosh, this is what I really doing all this time. Be myself.. Never be someone else that I am not.. Jangan rubah dirimu karena mencintai seseorang, juga karena pekerjaan.. Jangan berubah jadi orang lain supaya bisa diterima suatu kelompok..

Ah Mama.. Do you know how much I miss you? I miss when I called and said "Aku cinta kamu, Ma" and you said "Cintatu.." with your deep warm voice.. I miss those words from you, those lines.. Yang sederhana, apa adanya.. 

Sementara itu yang aku bisa inget sekarang, kata-kata yang paling sering mama bilang.. Ntar kalo inget lagi pasti aku tulis, Ma..

Thanks for all things you have done for me. Love you so, Ma..

"Cintatu" seolah suara mama menjawab. I will make you proud, Ma.. I promise

Jakarta, my cozy pillow, March 24, 2012

The Shape of Memories

 I was cleaning up my room when suddenly my eyes seeing a photo album. It was a heavy square shape one with the picture of a lion exercising with a rope. I stopped what I was doing, grabbed it, sit in my room’ corner and began to open the pages one by one. 

It was a series of pictures collection of me surrounded by the family and friends. First pages consist of a bunch of pictures; when I was a baby and my late grandma held me in her arms, another one was the picture of me having 1 year old birthday with my dad and late mom, one was me when I was around 5 y.o playing with my naughty cousins in our garden and another one showed the moment with my lovely dogs Ceppy and Bimba, the picture of my family during Idul Fitri in 2010..  


The next chapter was a series of my pictures on singing competition, did a traditional dancing in several occasions i.e on TVRI (local television), during school prom, District Health Office anniversary, and the swimming competition; I also found my picture smiling with my first love  (the one who first kissed me on the lips hehehehe.. He was so cute tho..). Next, were about me with good friends, even my ex  :)) We were smiling, laughing, enjoying every single moment which had captured in the camera.. Even there was one unforgettable event when a good friend of mine, Dodi, carried me up with bare hands! I was laughing out loud when I saw it.

Boat trip to Gersik Island, Belitung Province in 2010

Seeing those pictures has brought back all the memories. Every single picture has its own history; own touch, own feeling.. Those are not only pictures.. I realize that this book not just a silly square book with lion picture on it cover; this book has shown the journey of my life.. It shares the moments, stories, remind me the feeling I had back then.. Sometimes it was ended with sadness but most of that were happiness..  It was not only made me smile, but made me remember all the things I have received in life.. All the happiness, the unfortunate events.. tears, laughs and hopes.. 

All those stories captured have reminds me how lucky and how grateful I am for what I am today. Alhamdulillah, matur nuwun sanget, Gusti.. 

I need to remind my self to print some of memories which stored in my external hard disc; just some pics which will surely lift  me up on my lowest time.. You should do that too, Fellas.. It helps you smiling, trust me :)

My cozy cold room, Jakarta March 19, 2012

When I Hear You Sing

Since the first time I saw you

you played that old piano

You've touched my heart in the nick of time

I knew my feeling was the right one

I knew it could be so true..

When I hear you, sing the song

with the gentleness around

I feel that the symphony and those words are just for me

I can feel my heart is beating softly

I ask my self, how could this be..

Reff:  When I hear you sing, I feel the angel touch

           When you play those songs, heaven is in my heart

           I wanna stay in this moment forever in my life

           To believe that I have wings,

           When I hear you sing

When I see your fingers' touch

The tuts is dancing slowly

I can feel the win blows

Whisper in my ears

I can hear you voice is calling out my name

I ask my self, am I in love..

back to reff..


My (old) song for someone I adored :) Thanks for giving bright color on my rainbow
Damn, I am missing my time playing the piano.. :(
My igloo, Jakarta March 19, 2012

Life is about..

What do you think life is about?
 

For me is about choices..

We are facing choices every day, every single moment in life. Do you wanna go out or stay at home? Do you wanna be a doctor or a singer? Do you wanna be a honest person or not? Do you wanna stay or walk away? Do you wanna eat or sleep? Marry or not? Walking or taking taxi? ....? ....? Feel free to fill the blanks.

And what next after you have decided which one you choose? 

For me, it is the commitment.

It doesn't matter if you choose to be a straight forward person instead of a sweet talker.. It is okay if you choose to be a teacher then a medical doctor.. It is totally fine if you decided to speak up instead of keeping everything inside your heart.. It is fine.. It is your choice. 

Every single decision you made has its own consequence. Yes, I choose to talk straight forward which people may not very keen on.. I choose to be a medical doctor which will need more time and money from the saving.. I choose to end the relationship which I surely know, with no doubt, will tear me apart.. 

You have made your decision and now you have to be responsible and committed to the consequences. And yes, I do agree that it sometimes does not come easy.. This is what makes life even interesting :)

The reason why this Brand New Heavies' song, has became my spirit like forever.. It shows that we are the one driving our life.. We are the king of our own will :)  Here is my favorite part:

But you're a driver, not a passenger in life
And if you're ready, you won't have to try 'cause

You are the Universe
And there ain't nothin' you can't do
If you conceive it, you can achieve it
That's why, I believe in you, yes I do..

Yes, you can do it :) Nite-nite *udah pagi tauuukkk..

My cold cozy room, March 18, 2012

De Javu

Suara kokok si jantan.. diselingi sayup alunan adzan..

tersentak, mendadak.. seolah bau pagi menyentuh indra penciumanku.. Jauh..

Pernah merasa ini, denganmu, saat itu..

..and I still remember the smell of your smile..

On my pillow

Jakarta, March 17, 2012

Naik Bis Kota ke Bekasi

Karena selama ini selalu duduk manis di taxi and nyampe aja kemanapun yang dituju, aku penasaran aja gimana rasanya naek bis ke Bekasi. Vina temenku bilang, nyaman kog ada ACnya dan bisa duduk tenang.. Okay.. then once I need to see my friends in Bekasi, I decided that I will take a bus!

Perjalanan dimulai dari kos ke Wijaya naek taxi (laaahh..), jemput si Vina, pake acara nunggu hampir 20 menit (makin berat perjuangan nih, palagi mulai flu). Sambil ngomel-ngomelin Vina, kita lanjut ke arah Blok M (si Bapak taxi sempet nawarin ga langsung aja naik taxi, lebih cepet dan enak. Maap Pak, pokoknya saya harus naik bis! -> determine banget anaknyaaa..). Turun dari taxi, kita nyebrang aja gitu; bukan di tempat penyeberangan si, pokoknya nyebrang. Kata Vina mumpung baru dibuka jalannya tadi pagi, jadi belon banyak mobil lewat -.-* Buru-buru dan pas banget ada bis warna abu2 mulai jalan dari arah depan kita. Itu bis kita Mbak! Kata Vina ama makin semangat ajak lari (dia enak terlatih, lah saya?? Perlu buat perhitungan ntar ni ama Vina. Huh!). Akhirnya bisa juga kita naik bis itu dan pilih untuk duduk di baris kedua. Good. Waktunya tarik napppaass yang udah senen sabtuh..

Abis ngos-ngosannya, mulai perhatiin interior. Bisnya rapih, ga bau, kursi bagus, seat cover bersih, korden warna biru juga bersih.. Intinya nyaman :) kursi juga banyak yang masih available. Bangku bisa disenderin ke belakang. Nice :) Jadi inget bis Patas dari Surabaya yang tiap weekend bawa aku ke Malang (pas kuliah dan belon bisa nyetir mobil :p). Bis bergerak pelan dan berhenti di beberapa halte. Nah, disini suasana barbar mulai keliatan. Dengan cepat semua kursi terisi. Umumnya penumpang pekerja swasta si (cuman 1 yang pegawai negri kemaren-keliatan dari seragamnya si), mostly cewek. Tiap brenti, banyak yang naek, ga ada yang turun (lah emang mereka pada mau ke Bekasi!). Liat perjuangan yang mau naik bis tu, terharu deh,, Beneran! Mereka tuh ya, pada lari2 kejombrangan ama teriak2 supaya bis ga jalan dulu. (Vina malah cerita sering tuh orang dah lari lariiii mau mati eee.. bisnya dengan cuek jalan aja. Sukses keringetan doang itu penumpang gagal). Anyway, after brenti-jalan-stuck bodoh mual di Semanggi! finally, kita masuk ke tol dan ga pake brenti-brenti lagi. Alhamdulillah..

Naik bis itu enaknya (dengan catatan pake AC hehehe) kita bisa nikmati pemandangan. Kita di bis kan posisinya lebih tinggi dari kendaraan lain dan ditambah kacanya yang luas, kita jadi leluasa gitu ngliat kejadian2 di luar. Kalo diperhatiin banget ni, gedung2 di area Sudirman sebangsanya itu artistik lo.. Juga antrian mobil berjejer, warna-warni dengan model beda,, Sweet :)  Ga kalah ama jalanan di Orchad ato Hong Kong (sayang kagak punya kamera saya). Mau tidurpun juga bisa (walo kalo aku mah sayang kalo tidur, secara jarang2 naek bis nyaman di Jakarta hehehe). Kita bayarnya 11.000/org dan ditarik pas udah di tol (dibayarin tuan rumah, Vina hehee). Tapinya gak karcis.. Gimana mau tau jelasnya hari itu dapet berapa yak? Hmmm rawan korupsi iniyh :| Ada ibu-ibu hamil yang berdiri.. Jujur, if I am not having problem with my knees, I will give my chair for her. Tapi orang laen kayanya biasa-cuek aja tuh.. Udah biasa kali ya liat yang begitu.

Sampe di Bekasinya, I thought we will stop at bus terminal or specific bus shelter. Ini kagak! Mendadak Vina bilang, turun sekarang mbak, bis brenti aja gitu pas lampu merah, berebut ama penumpang laen keburu2 turun (selamet ora ngglundung). Sampe di luar perjuangan belon selesai kawaaann.. Kita mesti nyelip2 diantara kendaraan2 yang lagi brenti lampu merah, menemui serombongan orang dan nyebrang! Yes, nyebrang! Di tengah perempatan yang ramenya amit2, mobil was wes lewat,, kaga ada zebra cross. God, help me! Bukan apa2 si, kita nyebrang bahkan bukan disaat lampu merah; cuman tergantung rombongan gerak aja kita ikutan (bisa bayangin ga kalo ada orang gemblung abis nyabu dan nyeruduk kita semuwa! Hiii,, naudzubillahmindzalik). Akhirnya nyampe juga di seberang, found a taxi and went to the meeting point. Alhamdulillah sampe dengan selamat dan tidak kekurangan apa2. Amin! Nyampe langsung makan bebek goreng Madura di tenda pinggir jalan!! (dengan alasan: menenangkan diri. Cuih!)

Intinya si, sebenernya kendaraan umum yang nyaman di Jakarta itu ada. Yang penting ngrawatnya, jangan sampe bolehin orang ngrokok disitu. Maintain yang bener. It helps banget, lebih ekonomis  (jangan diitung taxi menuju terminal Blok M-nya ya). Kalo naek taxi dari kosku di Kemang bisa hampir 80.000 belon tolnya lagi yang 17.000an. Tapi emang karena belon ada sistem yang tertata rapih-tempat2 brenti yang bener kagak kaya tarzan maen auoooo and nyebrang gitu,, jadi yaa kalo aku pribadi belon berani juga naek bis sendiri ke Bekasi. Hehehee..

Akhirnya mission accomplished :) Met my friends, had a good laugh. Pulangnya mah back to the basic, naek taxi saya.. Hehehhee...

Sampai rumah, flu berat, suara mas-mas dan sukses terkapar selama 3 hari.

Jakarta, my cozy bed, March 17, 2012

Live The Moment

Just open my eyes and suddenly my mind flies to the time when I argued with my ex about me having too much “social activity”. This word does not mean “Socialites or high class one” btw; it was just a simple hanging out with friends, talk over coffee and laughing over silly things.. I remember he said “De, why are you planning to go out again with your friends tonight when you had it last night? Why don’t you just relax, stay at home and contemplate? Why are you always have to be happy all the time?"

The words might have several different points but only one line that was screaming in to my brain “Why you are always have to be happy all the time?” Before you say “Perkataan macam apa itu?” I would like to share my thought.

We only live once. Things happened cannot be cancelled, undo or refresh. The moment we are living now will not coming back in the next day, hour or even next second. Only NOW. The moment you kissed me in your car with Phill Perry’ “After The Love Has Gone” as the background, the moment I zip a coffee under the starry nite surrounded by humanitarian colleagues, the moment family picnic in a clove plantation with mom’ yummy food, the moment I arrived in Banda Aceh-the tsunami affected area for the first time, the moment you gave me the Spongebob' folding mat, the moment I realize that I am missing you (sigh).. Those same exact moments will never come back. Once it happened, it will become a memory. And how do you want those to be remembered?  Even the sadness, unhappiness will be valuable experiences which will enrich your life.

We only live once and every single moment is damn precious; enjoy it, praise it, go along with it, dance with it.. Don’t think too much of what people said; it is your life, your call. Live every single moment as if you die tomorrow.. Enjoy every bite of your food, every song that you sing, every book that you read, every laugh, every smile, every share, every tears, every kiss.. Live your life out loud! :))

Nah, sekarang udah saatnya siap-siap. Mau live my life out loud, meet my lovely friends and talk over coffee and yummy sea bass fish (mmm ato mau lamb shank ya?). Whoi, Mandi!!  

Jakarta, March 16, 2012 in my cozy room

"Seandainya.." "Kalau aja"..

Sebenernya ini ngomongin diri sendiri. Tapi at some point aku percaya lebih dari 90% populasi di dunia ini sering berandai-andai di kehidupan sehari-hari.. "Seandainya.. Kalau aja.. Coba kalau.." dan kata-kata sejenis..

Do you believe, if I tell you that those words are poison and too much of those will kill you inside?? 

Kita sering banget mikirin sesuatu yang belon waktunya, sering nyesel setelah melakukan sesuatu dan berharap bisa push the "un-do" button (even refresh!).

Aku kasih contoh: sering kan kalo nelpon gebetan ga diangkat ato cowok yang biasanya nelpon and perhatian mendadak ga telpon ato sms.. Kita mikirnya "Pasti deh lagi suka ato pedekate ama cewek laen.. Pasti dia sengaja ga angkat telp and bales sms".

udah mumet-vertigo 7 keliling; padahal in reality hp dia ketinggalan ato dia lagi tidur pulas and hp di silent. Ato parahnya "Sorry Babe, hpku rusak belon sempet beli yang baru". Wakwaaww,,

Another example: "seandainya aku kemaren telpon dulu, pasti masih bisa aku kejar ni kerjaan.." "Coba dari semalem aku tau kalo bakal disuruh begini, aku bisa bawa semua peralatan dari rumah dan gak perlu repot.." 

C'mon,, walo mikir ampe botak juga itu udah kejadian, ga bakal bisa dirubah. Yang ada malah kita jadi mikirin yang nggak2, yang laen2 and ga fokus.. Akibatnya ya makin kacau semuanya..

Ada lagi: "Seandainya aku ni diterima kerja di Kalimantan, padahal aku juga apply kerjaan keluar negeri, aku juga apply S2,, kalo ketrima semua, gimana ya? Karir modelku gimana dong terus? Mesti ambil yang mana ya?" Lah, kejadian aja belon.. Gak usahlah mikirin yang jauh-jauh. Udahlah pusing, nyelesaiin masalah juga nggak.. Err.. masalah?? Emang udah ada ya, masalahnya? Udah bingung mau nyebrang jembatan padahal jembatannya keliatan aja belon..

Inner conflict itu manusiawi sebenernya,, Orang perfectionist dan organized biasanya lebih rentan untuk terserang ini.. No offense :)

Like me: I am a control freak; jadinya merasa bahwa semua harus under my control dan harus punya back up plan. I literally do not like the feeling that things are slip away from my hands..It is fine but we need to control it.. Inget, yang udah kejadian ga akan bisa di erase ato undo. Yang belon terjadi boleh kita prepare tapi jangan buat pusing. Dan jangan terlalu paranoid! *ngomongkencengdidepankaca

Don't get me wrong, learn the lessons are extremely important; but not necessarily that you should spending too much time to think, to analyze and at the end blaming your self which does not solve the problem dan gak guna juga deehhh..

Lately, under my recent situation (yang lagi jadi pengangguran ini) I have learned some lessons; yang penting, teach your self to maintain positive thinking, do a good preparation-learn, do what best and at the end let God do the rest.. When it meant for you then it is..

Well, that's what I think. You might have different opinion or in contrary you have never thought about it.. Hehehe..

Jakarta, My cozy room, March 15, 2012
(jam 6.18 pagi and not sleepy yet. Oh bummer!)

Writing Songs.. The Creative Process

“De, just curious, in your mini album, did you write one of the songs for me?” he suddenly asked out of nowhere. Shoot! I was only share about the muse of my songs to my best friend, Ruby Fonna (I believe her more then I believe myself!).  I kinda have a silly principle not to tell my muses (the male one) on how they have inspired me :p (its related to my big ego, though). Long story short, in order to avoid his continuous questions, I finally explained about all my songs and the creative process; about whom, what, including the true story behind; both sad and happy ones. And just fyi, I hardly admitted that he was one of the muses in my song :p

Anyway, back to the main idea, to write a song is one of the ways for me to change/reform the negative energy I have inside; biar nggak mubazir jadi energi destruktif :) Pouring the ideas, developing the story from both sad and happy experiences, arranging words by words and make it flow in the melody. The process has it's own amusement :) Writing song for me is like writing a story for a novelist, carving wood/stone for a sculptor, and painting beautiful colors to the canvas for artists.. All of those have the same goal: to share what they have in heart and mind-sometimes to reduce the burden and pain even spread the happiness by changing it to different forms (IMHO).

The Muse and the story behind. So, who or what is the inspiration behind the songs? Usually, those are based on my own experiences in life; about my feeling, what I have been experiencing or about what I am up to.  In my mini album “Color of My Rainbow” there are 3 songs which is related to each other; “Tell Me Why” which tells the time I realize that the one I loved has someone else in his heart; the story then continue with “Terdiam” which talks about inside conflict for me to keep on going in uncertainty or walking away.. and finally the story ends with the song “Forever One and Only” which tells about finding someone (with a big brown eyes!) who has helped me through the pain  (sumpah ni lagu gombhal bhuangeedd dah! Heran kog aku bisa ya nulis yang beginian.. #eaaaaaa pokoknyaaa,,). Aside of that, sometimes, I put additional words-lyric based on my friends' experience; even more, I could develop it broader like a fiction novel- I choose the ending as I want.

The Melody and Words. Though my mood is (again) taking the lead on this part, habitually I find the melody first. When I hum the melody, most of the time I have decided the theme for the song; for instance falling in love, broken heart, universal love, etc. And I record it as soon as I have a chance (secara pemalas kaga mau susah baca-nulis partitur. Daaaann.. ini sebabnya panik banget kalo handphone ilang, karena proses kreatif disimpen disono semuwa.. hehehee). Words will come easier after. I write the songs in both Bahasa and English to have broader listener :) *go international mimpinyah. Woohooo... 
And I would like to share one other experience; mas Harry Toledo (who took me to the professional singing world) has made additional melody to my songs and asked me to find the words. The thing was, I wrote it several years ago; I need to put the same feeling-the same touch on it. Sometimes it took more then a day to be able to capture the whole energy of the song. Pff.. whatta experience!

 

Timing and Time Frame. On behalf of the timing and the duration of writing process, I should say that it totally depends on my mood. It could be during the nap time (when I failed to), in class room (when I was in medical school class - bete karena dosennya ngebosenin plus galak. Maap, Dok :p). Even more, I wrote the song “Sejiwa” for my soulmate Ruby Fonna, when I was riding my kebo otw to the office :) 
The whole writing process from the melody, the words, which will harmonized in to a song is taking various time frame. For instance, “Biarkan Ku Pergi” (I wrote it on Sunday afternoon 3pm with my acoustic guitar); for both lyric and melody has finished only in 15 minutes. In contrary, another song which I wrote when I was playing the piano, “Terdiam” took sometimes - mmm.. 2 days (I think) before it became a full song. 

What else? Mmm.. I think that's all. As you may see from the story above, yes, my mood is the big boss!! :)))  I guess I really need to manage it gently :p Though I think I have developed my ability on song writing, yet I need to enhance my skill to play the piano for better-wider range of harmony.. Having said that, I need to find a nice-kindhearted piano teacher, who is willing to teach me without any partitur involved (mungkin ga ya? Hehehe).. I have a dream that one day I can harmonize the melody and words in to beautiful everlasting song..

And my memory flies to the moment when he was closing his eyes while listening to me singing his song “..Biarkan ku pergi.. Sejenak tuk menata hati, mungkin aku kan kembali lagi.. Jangan engkau nanti.. Biarkan ku sendiri, kan kutemukan jalan tuk pulang..”

Jakarta, my cozy room, March 15, 2012